kingdom writer

Yesterday I came back from my first ever writer’s retreat. I’d considered going on retreats before but was always put off because of that vague but persistent feeling of not being a ‘proper writer’. Yes, kind of like imposter syndrome, but also not quite. It’s true that in my head ‘proper writers’ write full time and earn a living from it, are published by traditional publishers, win literary awards and are generally recognised for their brilliance. All of which appeal to my vanity, and none of which actually apply to me. But it’s not just an inferiority complex. During and since coming back from the retreat I’ve been mulling over and trying to pin down why I feel so different, and I think I’m getting somewhere…

You see, the retreat was specifically for “Kingdom writers”. It wasn’t a term I’ve heard before and I wasn’t exactly sure what was meant by it, but it appealed in a way that no other writerly label has done so far. Largely this is because in the past few years of reading my Bible the biggest thing that has really stood out to me is how Jesus hardly ever mentioned “church” (only three times, and two of those were part of a single conversation). However, he spoke about Kingdom ALL THE TIME. It was a huge deal to him. So since then I have been on a mission to learn more. And when I started looking into the idea of a writing retreat this year, and my writer friend told me the focus of this one, it felt like a match made in Heaven. So I went.

I could wax lyrical about everything that happened there, and how richly nourished I was by my time there, but maybe that’ll appear in another blog post – or maybe I’ll save it for the feedback form! For now I just wanted to explore what the term means to me (mental note: I must ask the organisers for their definition), and why it is helping to peel away the layers of feeling so different to ‘proper’ writers…

I’ve written here before about ‘doing it all wrong’ and ‘the things I didn’t know’ – and I know I’m not alone among writers in feeling like everyone else is an expert except me. But there’s more to it than just imposter syndrome. When I published my first book I felt I had a choice to make about the kind of writer I wanted to be. I submitted my manuscript to a recommended publisher, and the feedback I received was excellent: how I needed to change certain aspects and focus more on the more sensational parts of my story, and aim at a more specific audience. All these things would have made my book more marketable, and I completely understand why that had to be the priority of a publishing business. But it was just not why I wrote it. My message – of friendship with God – was much less marketable, it’s true, but it was the whole point of writing the book. So I consciously chose NOT to be the kind of writer who prioritises marketability. It’s not that I don’t care – I sought and received help in making the book as good as I could. But many of the things that ‘proper writers’ learn about marketing: what to include if you want to write a best-seller, how to monetise your social media, creating a memorable brand etc, I could not care less about. That’s not why I write. And it is not how or why I want to write.

I know, I sound hideously naive, and I am sure I still have a lot to learn about marketing from a Godly perspective: I believe in my message, so I know I need to be wiser and bolder about getting my book(s) in front of readers. But there are many brilliant writers out there who excel at informing, entertaining and offering escapism, and writing in a way that the world values and applauds. And that’s great for them. It’s just not me. Yes, part of me still vainly loves the idea of winning literary awards, but really there is only one thing that satisfies me: the one reason why I write – and it’s to share the beautiful truth of God’s Kingdom with all who need the hope it offers.

So there you have it. Whether or not that makes me a ‘proper writer’ is not really the point any more. I’m not interested. It is both my ambition and my delight to call myself a Kingdom writer.