christianity – Rachel Yarworth, Writer

Early on in my book-publishing journey, I was blessed to learn of and then attend the first Kingdom Story Writers retreat (in 2023). I had recently self-published my first book, Friend of God, in simple obedience to God’s leading and was eager to continue writing, but was wrestling with imposter syndrome, convinced I was ‘not a proper writer’, and with no idea of how to get there. In my mind, proper writers made a living from it, won awards for their work, and generally knew what they were doing – none of which applied to me. But it was the ‘kingdom’ aspect of the retreat that called to me, as a word that God and I had been chatting about a lot at that time, so I stuffed down the imposter feelings, and went anyway.

The retreat was a blessing on many levels, but there were two lasting impacts that I am most grateful for: the enduring friendship of some brilliant, Godly people; and my confirmation as/ commissioning to be a kingdom writer. I was released from the pressure of being a full-time professional writer, striving for recognition or awards – or even publishing deals – and released into the blessing of simply writing for God, in the company of others with the same calling. I am free to write everything with the purpose of seeking His kingdom first. I do my best for Him, but I’m not chasing awards or a full-time income, or even a publishing deal, just the certainty of knowing I am writing as He leads, to help people get to know Him better. The rest is entirely in His hands, and I have found total, genuine peace in that.

But the funny thing is, that verse about seeking first the kingdom, has a second part to it:

Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. (Matthew 6:33)

Since I was released just to write as God leads, without checking to see what comes of it, I have been contacted out of the blue to do three separate paid writing/ editing jobs this year! One of my books – Finding Jesus in the Wilderness – has been short-listed for ACW’s Book of the Year 2025 award! And I have started a Substack column with two subscription tiers: free, and paid (both at God’s leading). I fully expected all my subscribers to choose the free option as I would, and in fact have repeatedly told them the paid version doesn’t properly start until January ’26. And yet, 20% of my subscribers have already signed up for the paid tier (see today’s screenshot from my Substack)

I even had a message from Substack this weekend to say that I am now in the top 50 writers in the ‘faith and spirituality’ bracket! (though I sadly can’t find the message to share now).

AND on top of all that, as I have been tithing the very small amounts of money that come in, God has been getting money to me in other ways, to make sure I have enough in my account to pay for the next book! Honestly, I am overwhelmed. I haven’t yet covered all my publication costs so far, but I am heading in that direction, thanks to Him.

I’m not saying any of this to brag on me, but rather on God, and how faithful HE is to keep His Word. As I have genuinely sought to serve Him and His kingdom, He has been promoting my writing. I still don’t care about the awards – it will be lovely if I win but I don’t expect to – I’m just thankful for the vote of confidence from other writers that took me to the shortlist. And as much as I would love to do this paid, full-time – that’s not what drives me. If the money stops tomorrow and nobody else subscribes, I will still write for God, because it’s knowing that I’m co-labouring with Him in it all that is more fulfilling than anything the world can offer.

But I just wanted to share this testimony for anyone else who may be struggling with their identity as a writer. You don’t have to follow the world’s ideals. Let go of your worries and just write your best for God and His kingdom, and the rewards – in this life and the next – may or may not look like mine, but they will be more than you can possibly imagine!

All praise to our faithful God!

It’s funny how Pavlovian our brains can be. Once an association is made, it can be painfully difficult to detach. Take, for example, the Mick Ray song from 1978, “I get so excited Lord every time I realise… I’ve forgiven, I’m forgiven” (yep, showing my age there). It’s not a song that crops up often nowadays, but if it did, my mind would no doubt jump straight to the memory of my husband and friends in mischievous mode, deliberately mis-singing “every time I realise… I’m a gibbon, I’m a gibbon”. Then there’s the more innocent association of not being able to hear a sermon about the disciples without remembering my first child in all his adorable infancy unable to pronounce the word, so calling them “surprisels” instead. Heart-achingly cute, and all the more poignant because said adorable child is now a 6ft 5in grown man with stubble and a razor-sharp wit.

Whether these word-associations/ mispronunciations are deliberate or innocent, they cling stubbornly to our psyches, and can sometimes even interrupt our Bible reading. I’m thinking of Isaiah 60:1 – “Arise, shine, for your light has come…” a verse which I rarely read past the first two words without an inane chorus of hand-puppets taking over my mind, singing “and give God the glory, glory”. Please reassure me I’m not the only one…? Who else has a tripwire in worship or the Word?

See, reading the Bible can be hard enough without the distracting combination of an active imagination and the conditioning espoused by Mr Pavlov.

But when I read Isaiah 60:1-2 the other day, something remarkable happened. The chorus appeared as they usually do, but then so did the Holy Spirit.
And I read, “Arise, shine; For your light has come! And the glory of the LORD is risen upon you. For behold, the darkness shall cover the earth, And deep darkness the people; But the LORD will arise over you, And His glory will be seen upon you.” (NKJV)

And another, mercifully non-puppet association came to mind:
Matthew 5:14-16 says “You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.”

God has spoken to me from this part of Matthew 5 before, convicting me of His desire for me to embrace that dreaded of activities, “promo”, as a way of lifting high the light He has given me to share, for all to see. So it’s already a treasured verse. And this time as I read both verses together I had a sudden mental image that was nothing to do with Pavlov, but – I believe – a lot more divinely inspired.

I saw a room filled with candles, of all different shapes and sizes. Fat, thin, tall, short, and in a whole spectrum of colours. The light in the room drew dim, until it was so dark you couldn’t see the candles at all. But then a match was lit and began to touch the candlewicks. And as each candle started to burn, the room became filled with countless identical flames, each one adding to the light in the room. No matter the size or shape of each candle, each one burned with an equal flame, adding to the beauty of the glorious light, and together causing the darkness to flee.

And I felt God say to me, “Wouldn’t it be pointless for these candles to compare themselves to each other and write themselves off as a result? They just each need to embrace their purpose to shine their own light, and in doing so, add to My glorious Kingdom light that pushes back the darkness.”

And I remembered times when I have fallen into the trap of imposter syndrome, thinking, “I can’t be a proper writer – I’m not as good as ** at writing Biblical epics, or ** at writing poetry, or ** at reigning over Social Media” etc. But that’s just like looking at other candles, whether fat, short, or beautifully decorated, and deciding that because my little candle is not like theirs, it’s inferior. So what if my candle (book) is skinnier than a big fat Biblical epic, or plain white next to a beautifully decorated, skilfully written novel? If I let that stop me shining my light, the world would be dimmer for it, especially if the people who read my little book didn’t read the others. And the point is, as Isaiah and Matthew both shared, we all have a light to shine: the light of Christ. We don’t need to compete; we just all need to shine our kingdom light in our own way. For to disqualify ourselves from writing – or whatever you love doing for Jesus – would be to cease shining. And the world is an increasingly dark place that needs us ALL to shine so everyone can see the Father for themselves. So let’s keep writing, and shining our light…

And now I can’t read Isaiah 60 or Matthew 5 without seeing that mental image of the room filled with candles. To be honest, the puppet chorus is still there in the background – in fact they’re now singing “this little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine…”. But as associations go, that’s not such a bad one. I’ll take it.