Unusually for me, I have embraced Lent this year, and have felt led to have a break from a few things including Social Media – especially Facebook – and TV. (But not blogging – hooray!) Primarily it was intended to help me focus on time with God, as is usually the case, and it is definitely helping with that. But one thing I hadn’t expected was that it would help with my writing. On day one of Lent I mentioned to God that I’m struggling a bit with my current WIP, and He suggested that I used some of the time I have freed up to discipline myself to write a chapter a day for the next 40 days.

Yikes! That sounded like a serious writerly commitment. And yet when I came to it yesterday and today (I’m very aware it’s still very early days), I found I was able to focus better and push through the usual obstacles, feeling like I had God’s blessing and agreement over it. So that’s what I’m doing – and writing it here so now I’m accountable to my lovely writer friends who I know won’t let me off the hook.

The WIP I’m focusing on is a devotional book. If anyone is unfamiliar with the term, it means a collection of relatively short writings intended to help the reader grow closer to God. Often they take the form of daily readings spread over a set period of time. Sometimes they include written prayers or ideas for further study, but they always (the good ones anyway) base each chapter or reading on a verse or passage from the Bible.
So to my devotional. As with my previous books I have asked myself ‘who am I to be writing this when there are so many good writers and proper theologians out there who could do a better job?’ And ‘how am I supposed to tackle something so new’? Of course, when I ask myself such questions I never give myself a helpful answer. So then I asked God, who is far more helpful. And He reminded me about my ‘In The Secret Place’ blog where I have been writing for years, and suggested that I write it like a collection of blog posts all based around a similar theme. Well I know how to do that (as God knows full well). My blog-readers know that I am not a theologian not an expert in anything particularly, I just share the stuff that God and I chat about – and people seem to find it helpful. So here I am writing again.

And it occurred to me that it might be helpful (or at east entertaining when I look back in future) to try to capture my process – something I regret not doing with my previous books. I’m more of a pantser than a plotter, but I do find it helps to have a vague plan. So for this book I know my theme and the working title that will keep me focused. And the other day I wrote out a list of potential chapter headings with accompanying Bible verses. With those loose ideas in mind (I fully expect it will all flex and change as I progress), all that is left for me to do is write. This is where my inner pantser re-emerges. I can’t say I enjoy writing ‘by the seat of my pants’ without a proper outline for each chapter, but it’s all I seem to be able to do…

I take my subject and Bible reference and just start writing. I have enough experience with blogging that I don’t find it difficult to identify a start point, but then the chapter evolves like someone taking a walk with no idea of where they’re going to end up – kind of exploring for fun. I’d love to have more ordered thoughts so I could go from A to B to C in a straight line, but I don’t. I often don’t even know what the most important point is that I need to land on until I’ve rambled around it, writing far more words than I will end up with and taking several detours on the way that lead to dead-ends and make me retrace my step back to where the path was making sense. So I wander around in my writing until I find the destination, then review and figure out which parts of the journey were important and which were unnecessary and need editing out so as not to confuse my readers. It doesn’t seem very efficient to me, but then God reminds me that in real life I’m the kind of person who enjoys exploring somewhere new far more than repeating the best known, most well-used trails every time – it’s the adventure of not knowing what I’m going to discover, the challenges I might need to overcome, and the surprise blessings I might discover that all keep me exploring. And when you have God as your trail guide, everything feels both safer and more fun.

So as much as I love the idea of becoming a more proficient writer, able to neatly get from A-to-B-to-C without unnecessary detours that make for more work in the editing process, I have to acknowledge that the fun of the ramble seems to balance it out. I suspect I will remain a pantsing writer-who-wanders after all.

PS So that’s a chapter AND this blog post written today. And now I get to reward myself with a favourite pastime: creating photobooks out of the MANY photographs I have taken. I love the process of throwing all my favourite photos onto a page and then figuring out which ones actually go together and which ones might look good but don’t actually fit anywhere, so have to be edited out. Hmmm… I spy a theme…

I know, I’m hopelessly unreliable at writing regularly here, but although I regret that, I have to admit there are a few good reasons…
1/ Most of my time is taken up with home educating – at GCSE level this is particularly intense.
2/ I’m trying to use my spare time to get book no 3 written.
3/ Any blogging I do is usually on my other, older ‘In the Secret Place’ blog about the stuff that God and I chat about (but even that hasn’t had much content lately).

So this little blog about my writing antics does often feel sadly neglected. HOWEVER that does not mean there’s nothing going on… it just means I have to get my priorities in order and accept that it’s not always possible or even right to do everything a ‘proper writer’ is supposed to. I was reminded of that very recently…

You see, after The Jesse Tree Anthology was published last September, throughout October and November I did my best to embrace the realm of marketing. I felt a duty to promote the hard work of all the amazing writers who contributed, but there was also an element of “this is what you have to do as a writer”.  So almost every day I created new graphics and plastered Instagram with them, wringing all I could out of every single hashtag.  I quite like the creative part – it can be fun – but the pressure to keep it up was intolerable, and by December I was exhausted: I simply couldn’t manage another one. I figured most people who wanted an Advent study would have bought it by then, and with that reasoning I came to a crashing halt. A totally broken full-stop. Not ideal, but that’s where I was.

After about a month of much-needed rest with family over Christmas and the New Year, I reflected on how soul-destroying it had come to feel, and I realised that in taking advice about successful writing, promoting & marketing, some of it had become more of a burden than a help. It’s not that it was bad advice, just that I had let it take precedence over my own needs, stealing my peace – never a good idea. So I prayed and asked God for his advice, and as part of that conversation with God He reminded me why I had started writing in the first place: to make Him known. I remembered the freedom I had felt in choosing self-publication over the world’s ideals, and the joy I had found in writing for the Kingdom rather than the pressure of trying to be a “professionally successful writer”. And I resolved – again – to only follow writerly advice IF it lined up with what I felt God had asked me to. I have peace again. Thank You, God.

But not only that – I now also have support…
I have joined a group called “Kingdom Story Writers”. The group was formed out of the amazing retreat that I went on last year, where I first felt that freedom to write for God’s Kingdom rather than for “success” by any other terms. Since then I have stayed in touch with the leaders and some of the other writers there, and am delighted to have been invited to be part of a group established specifically to encourage other writers with the same Kingdom-priority in writing. It’s early days, but we’re establishing a website, a Facebook Group, a regular podcast, and… another retreat – hooray! All for the purpose of encouraging and helping other Kingdom writers, whether they write fiction, memoir, devotionals or other works that are all part of God’s great story. Keep an eye out for the link here on my website in case you’d like a look!

And meanwhile, I hope that whatever your passion or calling from God, you never become overwhelmed in it with worldly advice or ‘shoulds’, but that You know His leading and have His peace in all that you do! Amen x

This weekend I attended my first ever literary festival as an author, at Book Blest in Stroud, Glos. I didn’t really know what to expect. I did my best to gauge a reasonable amount of books to take (not so many that I’d pull a muscle carrying them in, but enough that I hopefully wouldn’t sell out), I dreamed up a competition that I hoped would garner interest, and I purchased a cash box in case people wanted to pay by cash. But still, I had no idea how many books – if any – I would actually sell.

On my first day – Friday – I sold one book. Actually I should say my friend and fellow-author who was on the table next to me sold one of my books. A browsing customer asked about my books and I, feeling somewhat awkward about promoting my own work, muttered a very brief and embarrassed precis. My friend took pity and came to my aid, giving a simple but clear overview of the Jesse Tree Anthology, and the customer was delighted to buy a copy. It was the first of several lessons I was blessed by this weekend, that I hope to remember…

Lesson one: you don’t have to be a pushy salesperson, but you do need to believe in your books and be ready to talk about them positively when people are interested.

The next morning as I walked along the road from the carpark to the venue, chatting with God as I went, I “humbly” told him I didn’t mind whether or not I sold books – I was there for the learning experience. Immediately I ‘heard’ His amused reply: “Oh, so you don’t want to ask me for sales, then?” I hastily backtracked, feeling foolish, and said that yes please, I would like some book sales too! That day I sold seven more copies to customers and an additional six to the local bookshop, then one of the anthology contributors at the festival took ten copies to sell, and when I got home, I found I had sold five more copies in America (unrelated to the festival) AND another contributor had ordered 87 copies! At that point I laughingly told God he was just showing off… but lesson learned!

Lesson two: God cares about our business success! Asking Him for help with it isn’t shameful, it’s wise!

So yes, the book sales were a definite benefit of the festival, but there was so much more besides. For example, one of my customers said she hosted a radio show and would love to promote the Anthology in her Advent programmes. Another said he was part of a much larger group who he would be happy to recommend the book to.

Lesson three: We can’t measure the success of value of an event just by sales alone. We never know the ripple effect that can happen as a result of selling a single book, and where it might end up.

But even more than the book sales, was the greater blessing of being with the people: chatting with fellow writers and enjoying the fellowship of a shared experience, and listening to the inspiring stories of how God had led them all on different paths of overcoming adversity, in order that they might publish their stories to encourage others. Also in chatting with the customers, hearing their life experiences and feeling the thrill of knowing that God was able to speak to them through my books – that blessed me so much more than the sales.

Lesson four was more of a reminder than a lesson, but still worth remembering: any event/ any book is far more about the people there/ the readers, than anything else.

Finally my final lesson (that I am able to identify right now) came from my ‘spotlight’ slot: 25 minutes of being interviewed on the front stage. The lovely host, Rev. Jo, had sent me some questions in advance so I could feel prepared, but we had also agreed that other questions might pop up. I was happy to go ‘off-piste’. But then when chatting about Friend of God, she asked an unplanned question about what friendship with God is like. I momentarily panicked, and then managed to say something about the Old Testament call to people to walk with God, and the New Testament message from Jesus that he wants us to know him: ie, that true Christianity is about relationship, not religion – which is rapidly becoming my life’s message. It was such a good question, I was a bit cross with myself, feeling my answer hadn’t done it justice, but just hoped that God had managed to speak through my words anyway.

The next morning back home, I was thinking about Jo’s question again, and chatting with God about why it was still niggling at me. I realised (or rather he showed me) it was very significant because of the subject. What friendship with God is like – and how to experience it – is the whole point of my next book. It’s a huge subject that I’m still processing and trying to figure out how to communicate, so I don’t have the answer in simple form yet (hopefully I’ll get there by the time I finish it!) But I am so glad Jo asked it, as it reignited the passion in me to write the next book. I had got a bit stuck and bogged down in trying to outline the structure, but I realised it’s more important at this point just to write down the essence of what needs to be said, and then tidy it up afterwards. I feel re-envisioned.

Lesson five: Keep writing! And when you lose track of what you are writing, go back to why: Why does it matter? Why bother? Passion really can inspire a fresh flow when words dry up.

So those were my blessing/lessons – my “blessons”? – from BookBlest this weekend. It was such a rich time, I’m really grateful especially to the organisers, and to my fellow stall-holders and customers, and most of all to my friend God, for my time there!

Ooops! I seem to have left rather a long gap since writing my last blog post here. Time really flies when you’re having fun/ editing a book/ writing another book/ educating a child at GCSE level!

When I wrote my last anthology-related post back in April (! again – oops!), I shared about the new journey I was taking, of editing the work of others…
As with most authors, writing and publishing my first book had taken me far out of my comfort zone. But where most people might then then take the time to write a second book and consolidate their learning/ growth, here I was branching out at speed, moving into compiling and editing the work of others. It felt unreasonable, brazen, and somewhat premature. And yet that is what I found myself doing. To begin with, even though there were challenging steps to take, it had mostly been so straightforward to organise that it felt like it had its own momentum. I only really stopped to draw breath in April, when I suddenly realised I was now responsible for suggesting changes to the work of authors who I really respect (and who had been writing for far longer than me)!

Happily for me, the writers involved in the anthology are a beautiful bunch of people, all of whom took my suggested edits with good grace. Where issues arose, often because I hadn’t communicated the vision clearly enough, we kept at it until we reached mutual understanding. Only one author (two if you count the one who dropped out right at the start) felt the need to withdraw through the process, but there is no bad blood between us as a result, which is most valuable to me. I am so grateful for the patience and good will of all those involved!

Once the author contributions were in, I added the questions and optional prayer suggestions that provide a sense of continuity throughout, and then I reached the part that I had been subconsciously avoiding since the very start: how to illustrate it. I knew the book needed illustrations if it was going to reach its full potential. But here I was stuck, because it was completely new territory: how do you find an illustrator, and how do you decide what do pay them? Do they take their fee up front, or as a percentage of the sales? Either way was a problem, really: I had no money to pay anyone up front, and couldn’t bear the responsibility of ‘what if I don’t sell enough books to make it worth their time?’ But neither could I bear the thought of asking a stranger to do the illustrations for nothing but ‘exposure’. Asking the authors to provide a single short piece of writing had felt audacious enough – I couldn’t bring myself to ask someone to do multiple pieces of art for free! Eventually I came to the place of realising what I had been subconsciously wrestling with the whole time: I was going to have to do it myself!

This was not just leaving a comfort zone: this was leaving it so far behind me that it was completely out of view! I am NOT an artist! Every step of the way I argued with myself, questioned what I thought I was doing, and repeatedly decided I couldn’t do it. But once I had seen the vision of how I wanted it to look, I couldn’t settle for anything less, so that vision persistently wore away at my arguments and daily irritated me enough to just keep trying. It has taken me all summer. But yesterday, I finally finished. The illustrations are not fine-art: they are very simple, as per my vision. And I’m still not an artist – I doubt I’ll ever do anything like this again – but it’s done.

The comfort zone I used to love, of never trying anything that might fail – or if I did, I did it in secret so no-one would know – has been obliterated. In the course of a year I have become a published author, and am about to become (watch this space) a published compiler, editor and illustrator too! Unbelievable! So resisting the temptation to make this into a preach about the growth-zapping dangers of comfort-zones, I just want to encourage anyone considering trying something new today: give it a go! You might surprise yourself with what you can do…

Yesterday I came back from my first ever writer’s retreat. I’d considered going on retreats before but was always put off because of that vague but persistent feeling of not being a ‘proper writer’. Yes, kind of like imposter syndrome, but also not quite. It’s true that in my head ‘proper writers’ write full time and earn a living from it, are published by traditional publishers, win literary awards and are generally recognised for their brilliance. All of which appeal to my vanity, and none of which actually apply to me. But it’s not just an inferiority complex. During and since coming back from the retreat I’ve been mulling over and trying to pin down why I feel so different, and I think I’m getting somewhere…

You see, the retreat was specifically for “Kingdom writers”. It wasn’t a term I’ve heard before and I wasn’t exactly sure what was meant by it, but it appealed in a way that no other writerly label has done so far. Largely this is because in the past few years of reading my Bible the biggest thing that has really stood out to me is how Jesus hardly ever mentioned “church” (only three times, and two of those were part of a single conversation). However, he spoke about Kingdom ALL THE TIME. It was a huge deal to him. So since then I have been on a mission to learn more. And when I started looking into the idea of a writing retreat this year, and my writer friend told me the focus of this one, it felt like a match made in Heaven. So I went.

I could wax lyrical about everything that happened there, and how richly nourished I was by my time there, but maybe that’ll appear in another blog post – or maybe I’ll save it for the feedback form! For now I just wanted to explore what the term means to me (mental note: I must ask the organisers for their definition), and why it is helping to peel away the layers of feeling so different to ‘proper’ writers…

I’ve written here before about ‘doing it all wrong’ and ‘the things I didn’t know’ – and I know I’m not alone among writers in feeling like everyone else is an expert except me. But there’s more to it than just imposter syndrome. When I published my first book I felt I had a choice to make about the kind of writer I wanted to be. I submitted my manuscript to a recommended publisher, and the feedback I received was excellent: how I needed to change certain aspects and focus more on the more sensational parts of my story, and aim at a more specific audience. All these things would have made my book more marketable, and I completely understand why that had to be the priority of a publishing business. But it was just not why I wrote it. My message – of friendship with God – was much less marketable, it’s true, but it was the whole point of writing the book. So I consciously chose NOT to be the kind of writer who prioritises marketability. It’s not that I don’t care – I sought and received help in making the book as good as I could. But many of the things that ‘proper writers’ learn about marketing: what to include if you want to write a best-seller, how to monetise your social media, creating a memorable brand etc, I could not care less about. That’s not why I write. And it is not how or why I want to write.

I know, I sound hideously naive, and I am sure I still have a lot to learn about marketing from a Godly perspective: I believe in my message, so I know I need to be wiser and bolder about getting my book(s) in front of readers. But there are many brilliant writers out there who excel at informing, entertaining and offering escapism, and writing in a way that the world values and applauds. And that’s great for them. It’s just not me. Yes, part of me still vainly loves the idea of winning literary awards, but really there is only one thing that satisfies me: the one reason why I write – and it’s to share the beautiful truth of God’s Kingdom with all who need the hope it offers.

So there you have it. Whether or not that makes me a ‘proper writer’ is not really the point any more. I’m not interested. It is both my ambition and my delight to call myself a Kingdom writer.

When I was writing my first published book, I came to feel that the process of seeing it through to publication was as much about developing me as a person, as it was about helping others through what I had written. It made me dig deep to persevere when things got tough; it revealed hidden fears, endless overthinking, and multiple other issues that needed conquering if I was to get my book out there. But I did it, and even if nobody ever benefitted from reading it (though thankfully many say they have), it was helpful in terms of my own personal growth.

Little did I realise that that growth was not a one-time deal. Now I am actively working on my second book, I am beginning to suspect that every book may turn out to be a journey of self-discovery and growth. Especially as this book is so different to my last one. Now I am compiling and editing an anthology, motivating myself to keep writing in splendid isolation is now a very small piece of my workload. My book now revolves around working with others, and that depends on one main thing: good communication, which is an area where my hopes are high but my actual confidence is very low.

First I had to overcome my own feelings of insignificance to approach those I wanted to invite to contribute. And then I had to overcome a horror of nagging to follow up with those who didn’t get back to me with a decision. But somehow I did it, and ended up with a brilliant line-up of contributors.
Next I had to clearly communicate my vision and the parameters involved (word count, target audience) etc, send a contract to every writer, and set a deadline for their submissions. For someone with a strong aversion to being too demanding, this felt like it was killing my flesh every step of the way. Thankfully I am working with some truly lovely people, and there have not been any issues. So far so good.

Now though, I have reached an even harder part (why did I not foresee all these challenges to begin with? It’s probably just as well, or I might not have done it!) Submissions are coming in from the other authors… and I now have to edit them! This means sending back notes regarding places where I feel clarification is needed, or simplification, or where the over-all message of the book needs to be stronger, etc. In short, it means criticising (however constructively) the work of people who I admire – whose writing I really respect! I’m no stranger to editing & critiquing – I’ve helped multiple friends with their writing over the years – it’s just that I hadn’t quite twigged that I would be doing the same to published authors this time, and that is much more daunting. The question of “who do you think you are” looms over me like a giant, constant spectre.
I don’t think I’m anybody, truth be told. But I do feel passionate about this book – like it’s something that I’ve been called to write. And so I dig out my metaphorical big-girl-pants again, take a deep breath, and push through the fears of ‘what if I offend them?’, ‘what if they drop out as a result?’, ‘what if I mess it up by failing to communicate clearly?’, ‘what if they get really discouraged?’, ‘what if they think I think I’m better than them?’, ‘what if they write me off as a result?’

Compiling and editing an anthology is not for the faint-hearted. Neither is it for the highly-sensitive over-thinkers like me. But I never have been one to take the easy road. And thankfully my illusory big-girl-pants are really quite miraculous and seem to have an in-built corset with a steel-enforced spine to prop me up and keep me going when all the things I didn’t know come to try and put me off (I’m pretty sure those ‘big-girl-pants’ are just the Holy Spirit in imaginary disguise). Because writing and publishing – just like life itself – is a process. It might be a bit scary at times, but the things we don’t know – about life, or about ourselves – are there to be learned and overcome, as we continue to grow.

Lecture to myself over…

*Takes a deep breath – and keeps going…

It’s one thing to have an idea for a new book… it’s quite another to commit to it!

Every new venture embarked upon always leads to unexpected twists and turns, challenges as well as blessings. The initial burst of vision and enthusiasm required to commit to a new venture invariably wears off at some point, and then you are left to drag yourself through the challenges even when you are not feeling up to it. And a real problem with self-publishing is that you are answerable to nobody: there’s no editor or publisher chasing you up or keeping you accountable to deadlines – if you slump, it can be very difficult to pick yourself back up again.

So when I was inspired with the subject of my next book, these thoughts were still niggling at the back of my mind: now I had the vision, but how would I motivate myself to keep going when self-belief is challenged? Then I happened to come across an unrelated article. It was along the lines of ‘free ways to promote your book/ writing’ (if I can find it I will link here), and one of the suggestions was to take part in an anthology. I thought it sounded appealing but couldn’t think of anybody who might be compiling one, until…

Lightbulb!

I thought of my planned project, and immediately realised it would work brilliantly as an anthology. I could think of several writer friends who might benefit this way, so started reaching out to see if they could see the potential too, or if I was misguided. Happily it was met with almost universal positivity – so I started planning in earnest. There is a lot of work involved in compiling an anthology, but I have plenty of practice organising so I’m not too daunted. In some ways I’m more confident in organising than in publishing my own writing.

And then I realised. What had started as a way for me to promote my book and help others do the same, was going to involve a whole lot of accountability! Where self-belief might scupper a personal venture because I don’t mind much if my own projects fail, there is no way I would let other people down. So now I am accountable to all the other authors! I have no doubt that there will be slumps along the way still, when I will wonder if I have taken too much on, or if I can make it work as I hope etc – but when I have other published authors all believing in the project, and I am committed to helping them, that is powerful motivation for me to keep going and see this through to the end!

So watch this space – there will be a new anthology coming out later this year! I’m committed!